Saturday, May 31, 2008

Johnny Rumble:
Hello Kitty Icky Rock!

"Have note will travel that my Hello Kitty illness is in remission."

I absolutly hate to admit it, but sometimes the only way I can deal with some people is to listen to blink-182 (or as one guy on the radio show Open House Party quoted a number years ago said, "Blank 181"). It's weird, gut wrenching, and possibily disgusting, but I do enjoy love songs. And slow rock. And Dean Martin. A good crooning love song has the ability to lift my entire day out of the gutter.

I acctually stopped drinking a beer when a Bloc Party song came on the radio.

Along those lines, I've also been taking stock of peoples relationships to others lately. I find a guilty pleasure to hear peoples stories about how they really hate thier other, but just can't find the courage to break it off, or say what needs to be said, or do anything really. They prefer to languish in bad relationships that are terrible for thier health and terrible for my kidneys (more on this later). The big question is why? Are we as humans so afraid of spending time without somebody?

I know to some degrees I am this way. I'm still transistioning to living in Killafornia after two years. I still don't have that one local friend that I feel comfortable calling and saying, "Dude, let's go make somebody elses day worse." And to this end, life is okay. At least, until those with that classic emotional trama enter my field of hazy vision. What's worse is that I sucker punch my self in the face.

"You seem down."

"My boyfriend is being a dick."

At this point my warning sensors are pinging off the scale, Robot is in the corner of my brain going "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!," and the master caution switch will naturally be flipped...

"What happened?"

...off.

I do it to my self. I don't really regret it either. I just amuse myself within the context of my own idiocy sometimes. I'm a very emotionally sympathtic person. I will cry right along with you, the really screwed up people, because that's the way I am. My emotions identify with other peoples emotions. I feed off them like a leach. And most of the time it leads to drink. I want to drink to celebrate, I want to drink to calm myself, I want to drink to put all those bad feelings away. I got my own problems. They drive me to the bottle on thier own. Factor is other peoples, and it's amazing I'm not a lush 24/7.

Perhaps it my inate ability to bottle everything up and put a cork in it and store it away in the vast warehouse of my fat gut. But this has it's own problems. One of those being that certain things will just eat at me until I acctually get it out. Unhealthy. The second is that I get accused on more than one occasion that people should look up to me for how well I have things under control in my life. Ha. The third is the classic hate speech. "You're incapable of showing any emotion at all. I fucking hate how apathic you are about everything!"

This line has not cropped up in the past few years, if only because I did start to care about some things. Then I got, "Your too fucking stubborn. Everything has got to be your way!" So I stopped caring and started to vicitimize my emotions all over again.

1 comment:

  1. ei, don't (bottle 'em up i mean)! it's what those boots and rock'n roll are there for. the alcohol is just the icing, but it's a great combo... else, i'd been 6 ft under decades back

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