Sunday, September 07, 2008

Johnny Rumble:

It has been said of Johnny Rumble (aka Kilt Wearing Punk) that he was born somewhere between heaven and hell, and that while many professionals have tried to get into his head to better understand why he is so perpetually angry at everybody, every single one of them has been admitted to the funny farm themselves.

Truth be told, very few people know exactly who this man is, and the only thing that many of us have to go by is his own self description.

"I am a twenty-something adult. A third year college enrollee. Politically savvy, non-voting and politician-hater. I am a punk. I’m poor and broke everyday except payday. I live with my parents. I’m a drunk, a morality whore, ex-smoker, who doesn’t live for tomorrow. Or tonight. I’ve never done drugs. I listen to loud, vulgar music. I sing in the car. And anybody that has seen me will say the same thing. I’m a drivers driver. I love twisty mountain roads, full throttle straight-aways, and there is no speed limit. Only speed suggestions. I’ve nearly died, thrice. I go bridge jumping, Hot-tubing, traveling, cruising, I do a lot of cussing. I’m overweight, and will lie to your face about being okay with that. I work for a great boss, enjoy my job when it goes smoothly, and have named one of my tools “Bertha.” I’ve had three girlfriends, been shot-down more times than I want to recall, and lost my virginity. I’ve been told that I’m an excellent kisser. I’m overly romantic, sensitive, enjoy sunsets, raised by my mother, can give you off-the-cuff fashion advice, and feel more comfortable talking to group full of women than men. I have a best friend, and I miss that bastard something fierce. I’m Icelandic by birth, southerner by flesh, Oklahoman by heart, and Californian by unfortunate circumstance. That part about me singing? I lied. I sing about as well as Johnny Rotten. Perhaps I’m too blunt and realistic.

But all these things describe what I am, not who I am. So who am I?

I am the joy on a small child's face unwrapping Christmas gifts. I am the broken heart of a widowed solders wife. I am the tear of the just engaged, and the tear of the just lost. I am the bravery of the child hero, and the fear of the teenage incarcerated. I am whoever and whatever I choose to be. I am."

The mystery deepens. However, the one thing that can be ascertained from this collection of works is one thing…he is not a professional. And he makes James Joyce very, very dizzy in his grave.

1 comment:

  1. i know of uprofessionals who made it really good