Saturday, April 18, 2009

Johnny Rumble:
Old Things

I stumbled, quite accidently, onto an old set photos that dated from July of 2007.  I clicked through them, slowly, looking at every detail, every nuance, and remembering every memory.  Your wierd facial expressions and fucked up hat, your father's mustache, and my fat gut at Wisp.  That dress.  I'm not going to make little white lies and say I knew they were there, because I truely did forget that I still had the photos.

I'm also not going to lie and say that I don't miss you somedays.  Because I do.

I'm also not going to lie about one other thing.  I tend to compartmentalize the people I run into and only tell certain people certain things, keeping them guessing about me and never giving them the whole picture, the whole me.

You were the first to shatter that mold, to see hear and comprehend enough to get me.  And I've been very cautious since about who knows what.  Further compartmentalization.  A puzzle of 500 pieces with 434 of them missing.

I think I do this out a rash instinct to survive my life schedule of finding a new home every so often.  It's easier to seperate when nobody really knows you.  Just another person they knew back then.  A memory.

I lie to myself and say that it's for the best.

Storms a-coming, my knee is acting up,

Johnny Rumble

Friday, April 17, 2009

Johnny Rumble:
the go-kart

i remember when i was still living in north carolina
it was summer, street construction was on going
my friend brought out his two seat go-kart
a lawnmower engine with no roll hoop, just in case we might die
i remember sitting on the right laughing and squinting into the wind
foxcroft was getting expanded and they had just grated the surface
we zipped up and down the dirt all afternoon
just laughing and acting like boys
wondering if the ellerslie trail was worth another pair of soggy shoes
i begged and prodded and bargined to make a turn of wheel
he got out and i slid over feeling the go pedal at my sole
just be real careful pop said only i'm supposed to drive
i smashed the gas and corrected the tail arcing out from behind me
the seat vibrated from the dirt beneath the tires
and the motor howled and roared and made lots of noise
the right foot came up and the left foot went down
a quick turn and a squeeze of gasoline
i felt like i was flying disconnected from everything in the world
he waved his arms yelling for me to stop
and hit the kill switch
why did you hit that jump
what jump
move over you're not driving anymore


I'm still flying that go-kart Brad,

Johnny Rumble

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Johnny Rumble:
__________

"But by the time they fix my head, mentally I'll be dead."

I'm shooting to alleviate the biggest headache I've had in long time.  It's the kind of headache that manages to blue the line between fantasy and reality and forces me to evaluate my own mental health status.  Working for The Prospector has not been kind.  And while I didn't expect it to ever be nice and fluffy like a course on HTML or PHP, I never would have thought that it would lead to me changing and developing my identity and personality.

Working for The Prospector has taught me many invaluable lessons like learning when to cut your losses and leave the field of battle, when to charge Cemetery Ridge, when to charge Mount Tumbledown, and when to entrench your postion.  But this is the time to leave.

I have officially stopped producing content for The Prospector from this moment here-on, and will publicly state that all content published by them from here-on is done so with out my consent.  I do not leave my flags waving on fields I do not wish to remain.  I will not list grievences here.  Those that need to know them, do.

An unfortuante casualty is Where's My Gun? Productions.  As the equipment we were using is owned by Yuba College, video content will cease until we can fund the purchase of a camera of our own.

I leave this battle, not in retreat, but with my flag held high, my cannon intact.  This is battle I came into ill-prepared, ill-equiped to fight for as long as I have.  I sacrificed everything I was willing to for the greater good of myself, my compatriots, and for the video content created.  But this is no longer worth fighting, as my talents and uses are better applied elsewhere.

__________,

Johnny Rumble