Sunday, January 30, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
Self-Censorship

I hate censoring anything.  When I do that, I feel like I'm removing all the best little tasty bits, the stuff addhered to the bottom of the pan, the stuff to make the glaze that covers the ordinary chicken.  But I did censor myself.  I wrote about something that I...

1.) Had no business writing about any more
and
2.) Could have potentally caused uncontrollable damage to several peoples lives.

It's one of those few times that I thought about what I had written, and thought hard about it, and I didn't like it.  So I cut it out, removed it, and in the process, I think I humbled myself a little bit, shocked the writers bit in my brain into some unease about sitting at a keyboard, typing. 

Still feeling a little sick,

Johnny Rumble

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
Old Videos

(Removed by author)
Pictures never really did you any justice,

Johnny Rumble

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
Work and The Bar

I've been keeping myself distanced from co-workers.  They all know each other really well, hang out, get drunk, whatever, but not me.  Arm's length.  Not to say I'm not willing to help them out of a situation, but none of the have my phone number.  Or, at least I haven't given it to them.  That really used to be a problem after I left High School.

I listen to them talk, about thier pasts and what they do now, how they grew up, the instruments they play, the bands they were in.  I'm not one of them.  About 90 degrees off of thier path actually.  I try not to get wrapped up in thier storys and have mine interwine on some sort of personal level because I know pretty much for a fact that it never leads to anything good in the work place.  I have a lawsuit to prove that one.

So I keep work at a distance, going to and fro, earning my weekly paycheck the best way I know how, by putting up AND shutting up.

Still packed in a box in the garage,

Johnny Rumble

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
Fat Bastard

I'm trying to stick to some sort of "diet plan."  No fast food, no sodas, less sweets, less fatty meals, more salads.  I've put on weight.  Too much of it in fact.  So much so that all three of my camo jackets are a touch too tight around the mid-section.  Granted, they always were snug, but I'm worried about blowing out the zipper on my Desert.

I feel like I've lost weight, my work pants are starting to fall around my ass, exposing my purple Fruit of the Loom to all the customers in the lobby when I duck under a hood.

I wonder how many other women have checked out my butt,

Johnny Rumble

Monday, January 17, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
Okie from Muskogee

To be entirely honest, I wasn't sure how to spell Muskogee.  I thought it had two 'G's in it.

Being back in here, in what the Tourism Board calls 'Native America,' kinda makes one lose appeal for the low street car and gain a further appreation for the lifted and tall.  Not that I've completely lost my fucking mind.  Just only banged it under the hoods of too many Subarus.

Subaru Fever I call it.

Maybe it's the All Wheel Drive, the boxer growl, the whooshing turbos and the way the whole damn car flops to one side when it's cranked over.  I keep thinking about these things, and the K-5 Blazer my neighbor has across the street and how it's constantly filthy with mud.  I think about the zip ties I have in my garage, and how simple it would be to use them to 'bolt-on' the bumpers, so dirt and ice hills won't kill them.  I think about light-racks and roof top carriers.  I think about top-mount intercoolers, turbo-induced torque, and then I think about having kids and I stop dead cold.

Lexus's fill my mind, luxuroius and able to take the family to a fancy dinner at a fancy resturant with a valet, I think about a LS or GS or IS, finely polished wood dash trays and air-suspension.  Supple leather seats and rich sounds out of the speakers, the automatic tilt/telescope rack, big chrome wheels and a Hellaflush sticker on the back window...

I bang my head again on another Subaru hood.  I look at Bay #4 and see a fresh Lexus.  I look at Bay #2 and see a dirty Subaru.  I squint slightly, hold my head at the right angle and lift my left foot one inch off the ground and see it perfectly, The Combination.

Love,

Johnny Rumble

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Johnny Rumble:
SUPERBARU: Realization

Complete the sentence with the answer that best corresponds to Johnny Rumble.

If I spent less time sitting at the computer stroking myself to thought of owning a Subaru, I would have...

A.) A cleaner house.
B.) More money.
C.) Written pieces of literature.
D.) All of the above.

Love,

Johnny Rumble